DB's Reflections....

Why do I run?  Am I addicted?  Do I need a twelve step program?  Maybe I need 'Daily Affirmation w/ Stuart Smalley'? 

I run because:

• Time w/ God and soaking up all He has done and created
• It makes me a better person overall
• It helps clear my mind on days I am struggling
• It helps me be even happier on those days that I am not struggling
• I am an example for others
• It helps me keep my mind healthy
• I see some amazing things while running
• I have formed relationships/friendships that I would not have formed otherwise
• Endurance, not only physically...but mentally
• Health
• I feel like I focus so much better at work

I picked my running back up in May 2011 and haven't stopped since.  It has helped me in so many areas of my life, that I truly can't imagine NOT RUNNING. 

When I started back up, it was for vanity purposes... lose weight.  I was the biggest I had ever been in my life.  I knew I could drop weight/inches quickly with running and had no intentions to continue to run, once I met my goal 'size'.  I exceeded my goal, as far as physical measures are concerned.  BUT, I also exceeded anything else I have ever experienced as a runner. 

I did not grow up in Beaver Cleaver's house and my first marriage was not like Mike and Carol Brady's.  I don't believe I am an heir to some million, billion or kazillionaire.... But all of that is okay...  I am in charge of my life and how I approach it...

If you are family, you may want to close this blog.  I am sharing this because I want people to know that it doesn't matter where you are from... you can get through these tough times, regardless of what they are. I have been asked so many times WHY DO YOU RUN...and this is it...this is what kept me on the pavement. 

January 2011 was the beginning of the end of my relationship with my mom.... little did I know it would also end other relationships in my family... To be 'tossed aside like a piece of garbage' from a parent is something that no one should have to experience, regardless of age.

I was working in the D.C. area during this mess, staying in hotels, eating alone, tough days at the office... I was gaining weight, whether from eating excessively, eating crap food, eating out for every meal, depression????  I started taking my running shoes and clothes that were not the most comfortable for running.... but I did it. 

I remember that inauguaral run that led me to who I am today.  As I was running the first two blocks, my mind wandered to her and 'why do I not deserve her love'?  Running through many memories over the years of abandonment from her, being a burden, what had I done that made her despise me so much?   CLEANSING.... I was SWEATING the bad things out... They were leaving my system. 

There were a couple of times that I did reach out to her, but in return, did not receive the warm feelings I longed for... there was an exchange utilizing text that made my decision, I will not let her in and hurt me again.  The last time I spoke with her was 6/11/2011.

Running became my therapy... and I realized, I am not the problem... I AM worthy of love, having family and friends that love me and enjoy being with me (through the good times and bad), loving and enjoying my friends and family, learning how to have a 'healthy relationship', happiness, success in my immediate family, success in my career...

Stuart Smalley would have me say 'I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggone it, people like me'... but more than anything else... I LIKE ME!!!!

My apologies if you feel like I am airing dirty laundry, but I have kept one of the key reasons of my running hidden... Now I feel clear...even if I am the only person  who reads this, I feel better. 

So... tomorrows post will be FUN... Week 3 of Chicago Marathon Training will be completed!!!!  How have I done so far???  Come back and we will recap.

TGIF.